How many times a day do you compare yourself to others? Whether the comparison is how someone dresses, looks, sounds, how does it make you feel? Some comparisons can drive us to be better and strive for the things we want, while others leave us feeling icky, drained, demotivated by the feeling of never being enough. Because if we’re being honest there’s always something or someone we can compare ourselves to. And there will always be things or people that will be better or worse.
I want to tell you about A (this is a fictitious person of course). She is ashamed of how envious she is. Even though she doesn’t express it outwardly to others she compares herself often. Whenever she is around someone she feels is superior to her she feels worse about herself. She admires how other people seem to naturally have confidence, how tall they stand, how they speak with assertion, and how stylish they are.
She looks at herself as a failure. She feels she could dress better, be thinner, be more assertive, more confident, she sees all the ways she lacks in comparison to others. And the more she tries to stop comparing the harder it is. She doesn’t want to compare herself to others but she can’t help it.
She wishes she was more like them. Their lives seem so much better than hers. She doesn’t know not only what to do to feel better but how to have more of what she truly wants.
So the thing that makes comparison so hard for us is our brains. When they’re faced with two things they want to make one thing better and one worse. The trick to changing this is to first change your comparison to admiration.
Hear me out.
We can admire what other people have and who they are without having it mean anything about us. Logically we know that no one will ever be or could ever be us. No one can have the same values, life experiences, goals, dreams, personality. Just as we can not ever be them.
One signifier of healthy self-esteem is to not be motivated by competition and realizing that we are not on a comparative standard with anyone else. Your motivation is self-expression and bringing your beautiful self to the world. And there is room for celebration and admiration of others. Here the goal is self-expression not in being better or worse.
I would love to hear from you. What has helped you overcome your comparison. Connect with me for a free consultation so we can dig deeper into your comparisons and how to break the habit.
When you stop comparing yourself you not only have a more harmonious relationship with yourself but you are able to see your gifts more clearly. And when you’re in this place of peace you are able to move forward toward what you want from a place of love instead of fear. Making it easier and a more free-flowing experience toward achieving your goals.
I would love to hear from you, what has helped you overcome your comparison?