How is your lack of self-care impacting you and your relationship? Today we’re going to be talking about how maintaining healthy self-care will not only improve your happiness and health but improve your relationship as well.
But first, why do we fear being selfish? Why is it that we worry that if we decide that we are important enough to take care of then there will be some negative consequence? There are so many posts out there that have to reassure us that if we make ourselves and needs a priority then we are not evil people who aren’t concerned about other people. Like why does it have to be that extreme? And who says we can’t both take care of ourselves and support others as well?
Ok, off my soapbox.
Onward, so what does a lack of self-care look like in a relationship?
It looks like changing your plans last minute to accommodate someone else.
Sometimes being attached at the hip and not having any time for yourself and your own personal interests.
It can look like always going along with what the other person wants and never really saying what you want and need.
It can also be constantly saying yes when you want to say no and letting someone cross the line over and over again.
Some other things that come to mind include, not speaking your mind, taking the short end of the stick, and just going with the flow of how the relationship is going instead of saying what you want.
These are some of the ways we can betray ourselves in relationships, which leads to a deterioration of our self-trust, respect, and at times feeling like we can’t or don’t know how to get what we need in our relationships. It can feel like just taking what you can get, and who wants that.
So how can you take care of yourself in your relationship:
The number one thing is to say what you want and how you feel (cue scary music). Yes, so many people struggle with this but it really is your most powerful tool.
You can set appropriate boundaries, including saying no and letting your partner know when they have crossed the line.
Self-care also looks like you having your own goals, interests, and relationships outside of the relationship.
Please, please, please don’t forget about your friends and family during that initial honeymoon phase. They are your support system and as a bonus the time you spend with them will help you miss your spouse. Plus no one likes codependency.
Make time for yourself and hobbies a priority as well. Yes, I had to say it again. See above.
Other ways you can practice self-care also include all the usual self-care things like taking care of your health(mental and physical).
And as a final note taking care of yourself included who and what you will not allow into your space. So do not ignore or accept harmful, negative or toxic behavior.
Self-care also looks like continually improving yourself and your relationship. When you show up as your most healthy, happy self you improve the quality of your relationship as well.
Self-care is essential, not just for your romantic relationship but in any relationship that you are in. Without setting proper boundaries, independence or making ourselves a priority it can lead to unmet needs and losing ourselves and our identity in relationships.
How can you start to make your needs a priority? What support do you need to overcome the barriers that lead you to continually people please and put others first? I would love to hear how I can support you, email me here.
Questions to think about. How would your life be different if you took care of yourself and made your needs a priority? What has been making It hard for you to take care of yourself and your needs? What do you feel like you would have to lose to take better care of yourself? How might your relationships be better if you took care of yourself? And what if you did nothing, continue as is? What has been the impact on your relationships now? What are you wanting to change?