How to Set Boundaries in Your Relationships

May 10, 2022Self Care, Self-Confidence

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My dear my dear, today I want to talk about something that is so important for your mental health and the health of your relationships. The thing that will either have you feeling empowered and in control of your relationships or like a complete doormat. If you didn’t guess it, today we’re talking about boundaries. 

If you’re feeling disrespected, walked over, small, or taken advantage of them I had you in mind when creating this.

So if you aren’t familiar with boundaries and either weren’t taught or didn’t see other authority figures in your life having clear, straightforward boundaries then this may be something you’ve struggled with in your relationships and had no idea why. 

The lack of boundaries in our relationships can leave us feeling like we have the lower hand in relationships and essentially take or accept any behavior from others.

So before I give you a few starting points on how to create boundaries what are they in the first place.

Boundaries are:

The personal limits you set for yourself

The standards or expectations on how you want to be treated 

The things you have in place to allow you to protect yourself and have your own back 

A form of self-care and a way of taking care of yourself 

Boundaries can look like…

I don’t take phone calls during work hours 

I will not allow anyone who is unkind to be in my life and space 

I have to have sufficient alone time to refresh 

I will not accept physical or emotional abuse from anyone in my life 

I prefer not to be hugged by strangers 

Kisses are acceptable after the first date only 

I don’t loan money to others 

Anything that makes you feel safe, and comfortable, and in alignment with your values. And literally, they can be anything.

The thing is everyone’s boundaries are different and they are based on our personal needs and preferences. 

So if you find yourself feeling unsafe, uncomfortable, and irritable, chances are a boundary of yours has been crossed. 

So what are the first steps to creating and maintaining boundaries?

  1. Figure out what works for you. As I mentioned our boundaries are all very personal to us. So what might not be ok for your friend might be acceptable to you. It’s based on what YOU feel most comfortable with.
  2. Using the above figure out what your limits or standard are for how you would like to be treated and what would make you feel respected, safe, and comfortable. That can look like some items from the list above or something completely different 
  3. Enforce the boundary. Here is where the work comes in. You have to let people know what is and what is not ok with you. And yes, I know this part can be scary. Especially creating new boundaries in a relationship that is established. And I can’t promise you that there won’t be any resistance to the boundaries you set. But keep in mind this is for you and to make sure you are comfortable/take care of yourself.

Setting boundaries and limits can be any number of things. And I’ll be talking about that in the following post.

For now, think about how you can take better care of yourself and what boundaries would help support you in that goal?

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