How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Oct 14, 2022Personal Development, Self-Confidence

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No matter who we are, we all do it. We compare our situations to others, we compare what we have, how we look, and who we are with other people. And this can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or in some cases inspiration.

And when you compare yourself to someone else it usually leaves you feeling not good enough, yearning for more. However, the more you compare yourself, the worse you feel about yourself. With each new person comes something different you can change, better you could be, and something different you could become.

But how do you break this cycle? How can you strive for excellence while still being appreciative and content with who you are? There are a few things I want to point out first. 

We are all so different

I think we forget or don’t acknowledge how different we all are. All our lives and who we are are tailor-made to each of us based on our values, preferences, experiences, desires, goals, and priorities. 

When we look at someone or their life we are looking at a life that they created for them based on what they want and what they value. Your life is created based on what you want and value. It’s unfair and unbalanced to compare someone else’s life to yours because they can be so vastly different based on who you are and what you want. 

What they have might look nice but does it align with what you value and what you want your life to look like? If you had all the time, energy, and resources to do the things that they are doing would you? Or would it feel like a big waste of time or a chore? 

One thing I hear a lot is when people see others on social media on lavish vacations. They look at this person with envy(understandably so because who wouldn’t want to be on a beautiful island instead of working in a cubicle) and wish they could be able to do the same. 

Now think about you and your style. If you had all the resources in the world, would you want to spend 8 hours traveling, and save thousands of dollars for a year or more to be able to afford an island vacation, do you even like beaches, or do you prefer the mountains, what does your best vacation look like? And the list can go on. 

What it comes down to is how does this fit with who you really are, what you really want, and are you willing to put in the work necessary to get that?  If no, then there may be something that is better suited for you, and no need to compare. We can acknowledge the beauty of it without it making us feel worst about ourselves. If yes, then how can we help you get closer to what you really want?

You will never be happy when you compare

When you compare yourself with someone else you will never be happy. There is always something to strive for or someone who has something that you don’t. The more you compare the more focused you are on what you don’t have, how someone is “better”, and what is wrong. 

And when we focus on the negative after a while that’s all our brain will see. You won’t see the beauty that you do have that someone else doesn’t or the things that make you special and unique.

 You won’t see the things that you do have that others don’t, the things that you actually admire and appreciate about yourself. How can you strive to be the best and most authentic version of yourself and strive for excellence in who YOU  are? 

Instead of trying to be like someone else or have what they have. How can you turn that attention and focus on yourself to be the best version of yourself or maybe even get to know yourself enough to know what will make you happy? 

A better solution

A better solution is to figure out who you are, and what you ACTUALLY want, and make a plan for getting the things that will actually fulfill you. 

When you chase after the things that other people have you are chasing an image, an ideal, and sometimes a desire. But how will these things actually fulfill you, make you feel happy and grateful? 

Focus on the things that actually bring you happiness and joy, not what society or everyone else has told you will bring you happiness and joy. 

When you are happy and content with the person you are and the life you have created for yourself, yes comparison and envy may creep in from time to time, but you will be so happy and content with the person you are and the life you’ve created that it won’t make you feel inferior or bring you down this dark hole of wishing you were different. 

So my biggest advice for you is this. Acknowledge the things that you want, get to know yourself and what you value and want for your life, and start taking small steps to make it a reality.

When you see yourself comparing,  take note of what the real desire is behind it and let go of the things that you know you really don’t want but look nice. Acknowledge that you like what they have but don’t want it for yourself. The easiest combat for comparison is admiration and gratitude, you can admire what they have at the same time not make it mean anything about you or your worth. 

How does comparison benefit you? What do you hope to gain by comparing yourself to someone else? And how does it impact your happiness? We all want to be happy which is what makes comparison so easy and why we all do it. If you struggle with comparison and want to see how I can support you, book a complimentary consultation so we can see how I can support you.